As a culture, we tend to avoid conflict, seeing it as something stressful and bothersome. Sometimes we even see it as an indicator of a failing relationship.

Alternatively, think about how the phrase “well we’ve always done it that way” can really damage a business by hampering advances in productivity and efficiency. Antiquated or redundant practices often linger because no one is willing to “rock the boat” or question the status quo for fear of the resulting conflict.

Conflict in the workplace, just like in life, is inevitable.

However, learning how to better manage and navigate conflict can transform tensions and disruptions into opportunities for growth. Thankfully, the skills used for navigating conflict can be applied equally in both personal and professional relationships, making them extremely valuable for anyone to learn and practice.

Types of Conflict

There are two main categories of interpersonal conflict: conflicts over goals and conflicts over values.

The former is usually pretty obvious; an employee is not meeting standard expectations, multiple staff members are competing for the same promotion, the HR manager is more concerned with compliance while the production manager is willing to cut a few corners in order to meet deadlines.

Conflicts involving values can be more difficult to navigate as they involve the core beliefs and principles that an individual uses to define who they are.

These two types of conflicts can also be intermingled. For example, a supervisor may have an expectation that staff work regular overtime and holidays, but employees who strongly value their work-life balance and time with family will find this very difficult to accept.

Harvard Law School provides a more in-depth explanation of each and identifies a third category if you would like to learn more.

Five Conflict Approaches

There are 5 approaches to conflict identified by the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), a popular tool in human resources and leadership development. While understanding your conflict management style is essential for successful leaders, it can be beneficial to anyone in both their personal and professional lives.

Accommodating – Simply put, this approach is allowing the other party to get their way while minimizing or ignoring your own goals. When deciding where to go for dinner, if you always allow the other person to choose, you are likely using this style.
Avoiding – As the name implies, this approach is about avoiding conflict altogether. This style can be as blatant as ducking into the restroom whenever a difficult supervisor comes by to visit, or it can be more subtle, like never bringing up specific topics around a spouse or friend.
Competing – This approach comes from the belief that while each of us may have a different solution to a problem, there is only one best option to select. This style may rely on either authority (i.e., “we are doing it this way because I am the boss” or “because I have the most experience”) or persuasion (to win others over intellectually) in order to secure the desired outcome.
Compromising – This style focuses on trying to find a happy middle ground and typically values preserving relationships over finding the best solution to the problem. The risk in finding a solution that “sort of works” for everyone is that every party involved still walks away with some level of discontent as well.
Collaborating – This approach is founded on a belief in synergy, the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. By allowing all parties to participate equally in the crafting of the solution, the absolute best solution can be discovered. The drawback to this style is that it is time-consuming and resource intensive, so it may not be appropriate for addressing every conflict.

It is important to note that we all use each of these approaches in different situations and in different relationships. The real value comes from understanding your personal tendencies, or which styles you tend to naturally drift toward, and when consciously changing to a different approach is more effective.

Embracing Conflict

Humans are both emotional and rational beings, but our physiology is not designed to do both of these functions simultaneously, or at least not very well.

In modern psychology, this is often referred to as reacting versus responding to a given situation or stimuli. Our initial reaction is chemical, instinctual, and often very emotional, given how the sympathetic nervous system (the flight or fight system) operates. Almost immediately after, however, our rational brain jumps to life and starts trying to sort things out for us.

This is why a 10-second pause is encouraged in anger management and why walking away from a conflict until everyone has “cooled off” can be an effective strategy. Once the initial, knee-jerk reaction is behind us, we can approach the conflict in a more meaningful and effective way.

Neither personal nor professional conflict is something we need fear if we have the tools and optimistic mindset to navigate it.

Other Tips for Navigating Conflict